just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
