The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
you would pick up someone in the library
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
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I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
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