I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
