Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
