News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
