that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
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Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
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Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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