i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
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