I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Randomize
