my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
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