the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
