I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
