talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
