Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
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There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
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My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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