When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
