I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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