I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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