You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Randomize
