No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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