I can tuck mytits in my pants
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
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