just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize