I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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