Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
