what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
