11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
