if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
