Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
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