dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
