If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
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