The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
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