I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
