I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Still dying that you shit outside
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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