I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Randomize
