Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
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