i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
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