I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
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