I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Randomize
