your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I am spending my child support on dildos
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize