My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
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Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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