We're like a lot better than the average bears
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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