Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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