I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
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