I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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