They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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