I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
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