Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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