Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
