dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
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I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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