Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Randomize
