I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
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I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
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They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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