And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
17 of the Dumbest Defenses Heard in Court
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
These 19 Ladies Love Pegging Their Men
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.