The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Contemplating These 27 Questions Will Make Your Brain Explode
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
25 People Confess The Most Shocking Things They’ve Ever Seen In Public
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit