when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
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He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
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I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.