When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I have already put on my inside pants.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
You are a genius and a whore.
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