That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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