Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
