Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
