Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
