K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
