I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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