Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Randomize
