I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
