Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
