How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
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