There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
