She said her name was "party"
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
