i'm lost and i look like a hooker
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
