she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
