Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
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