It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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