hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
